Uhh, hi lass.
So, I’ve never written anything like this with an actual person on the other end, so bear with me if it rambles all over the place. Still, kinda nice to know that someone’s reading it, in a weird way. So, first things first, before I say anything else. I’m safe as houses, we have recruited the less maimed members of the Golden Swans and are off hunting a vampire tomorrow before we head back to the inn. I know right, you send us off on a quick errand and we get caught up in some grudge match between a vampire rogue guild and Bandabar. Still, it’s the right thing to do, so you know as well as I do that I don’t have much of a choice. The other important thing is I’m sorry for being a bit of a tit for the last few days. I should have been over joyed to have you along with us, but I got distracted by my own selfish thoughts an didna think what that might feel like on your end, so I’m sorry for being a stubborn git. I would be more than happy for you to come with us Seekers as we follow the husband’s trail searching for him. In fact, honestly I’m excited to be spending more time with ya. Not having you around for two weeks sucked all the fun out of travelling, and it’ll be nice to have you with me. Still, we need to buy you some armour, and get you some better equipment, so I’m thinking ill visit the smith before I come back to the Hamlet. If I can’t swing that, we’ll have to convince Lillavida to allow the quick trip, since I need to say goodbye to the family, and I’m sure you’d like the chance to do that too now I think of it. Anyhow, with all of that outta the way, id best tell you about my last couple of days. Honestly, they have been a bit of a mess.
Hmm, where to start…
Ok Ok, it’s a bit of a long arse tale, and it starts when we came into Longspear. It was near dark, so we spent the night at The Badger and Hare before setting off in the morning to find the Swans. Since its new years, we were all kind of hung over when we left, and the rowdy streets didn’t help much. There was a parade and decorations an all sorts. I’m sure you would have loved it, but considering what happened later that day I’m happy you are safe with Lillavida (and that’s also one of the reasons we need to get you a better kit). So, walking through the mess of people, Endolynn has her purse snatched. I didn’t see it, but I heard the sounds she started making after that, and Jarvin told me to run so I did. Turns out we were chasing some runty street kid. Endolynn spent the whole chase freaking out, so much so she shot the kid full of holes. Apparently in her bag was her spellbook. I know, sounds like a dumb reason to maim a kid to me as well but Wizards seem to think it’s perfectly acceptable and who are we to judge. Ok Ok I’m judging, a lot, but I shan’t tell her that. She has a lot of growing up to do just like us an I am not going to assume she’ll go mental until I see it happen. An let’s be honest, if I see it happen, I’ll probably be on the receiving end of it an incapable of stopping it. So, back to the story. We chased this kid up a building, around it, and then he jumped out of a window. Kid snapped his neck on the landing. It was horrible Patty, just terrible. Thankfully Jarvin was there to fix him, which he did and the runty kid is all better now. An Endolynn got her book. Turns out the psycho that attacked the Smith is intent on chasing after me (that’s another point in the “you’re gonna learn to fight and get better kit” box) to get a hold of the hammer. Aye, bad news for him that is. So, we asked the kid nicely where his employers were and he kindly showed us. I may have terrified the bejesus outta him but hey, least I didn’t set him on fire. So, these tits were holed up under a brothel. We showed up, they talked all smug to us an then we clobbered them. Point in our favour I’d say. Although, Endolynn in all her haste did trigger a roof collapsing trap. It’s a special day when you have a few ton of solid brick dropped on you.
All told, that was a bit of a bust of a day. After all was done we sent the last survivor of the ‘Laughers’ (that was the rogue guilds name) to the watch, and I went back to the inn and got drunk. Rolling on the floor drunk in fact. What can I say, I’d just had a literal house dropped on me, it was unpleasant and me lass wasn’t there to pat me head better.
So, when I awoke the next day I had the vague idea that Thamior had gone to recruit the Swans while I was getting drunk. Turns out, he did get to their inn just out of town. He caused a bit of a ruckus while he was there too. Broke some windows, everyone there had a good time all told. They must have, because they never noticed a vampire and his thieves steal into the inn and abduct Thamior and Bandabar. Best guess is they were after Bandabar, but I honestly thought it was this Seraphim git after my party mates. So, the next day after having a roof fall on me, we went looking for Thamior. At the inn we found the other members of the Golden Swans. These guys. I can’t honestly be certain if they even care about each other. When we explained that we thought they had been abducted, these guys reacted not even slightly. From the inn we came back into Longspear, and went to talk to our surviving Laugher. He was a right tit, but lass I’ll tell ya something far more vexing than a recalcitrant prisoner. In all of this writing, I haven’t pointed out how petulant Endolynn has started behaving. Over the course of my interrogation she managed to amuse the prisoner and let him feel powerful, and then when she was removed from the room for doing that she started screeching and banging on the door like a child. Normally I’m not all that fussed by Endolynn’s moods, but she flat out refused to shut up, and the prisoner straight up refused to cooperate after this. Worse yet, while I was attempting to bring Endolynn into line for her folly, the damned fool was exploded in his cell. Aye, you read that right. This Seraphim character popped this guy while no one was looking. Thankfully, before I knocked the guy out(honestly I nearly killed him, but everything else was proving to be less than effective at making him talk) he told us that the ‘Smilers’, a rival gang, had the look of this mess on their hands.
From there the day just got more frustrating. As we were all discussing what to do next, Endolynn just wandered off. She was gone for most of the day. She says she was looking for clues as to where the Smilers were, but she made absolutely no effort to keep in contact with us. When she finally did catch up with the rest of us, her party, she promptly got angry with us for leaving her behind, as if we were her keepers and were supposed to force her to stay with us every time she decided to throw a tantrum. I tell ya Patty, I’ve tried making her see what she’s doin wrong here, But every time I do she decides its someone else’s fault. It’s always jarvin’s fault for not listening, or Lysander’s fault for not speaking up, or my fault for not making them listen to her. Honestly, the only answer to all of this is to have everyone take a deep breath and relax. We all get excited, but we need to rein that in. I truly do see where Endolynn is coming from in all of this, but I tell ya Patty, her tantrums are not helping. At all, and in fact they are straight up startin to make me mad as a stuck goat.
I’m getting off topic here, but I needed to vent at least a little. I know you can’t help me on this, and since the others will never see this letter it won’t help them understand, but that also makes this the safest place for me to air out the only thing really bugging me about the last few days. It’s a bit of a touchy subject though, so I’m going to stop poking it and hope that everyone just chills out. So, on with the story. Our investigations of the day led us to a fella named Felix. As a rule of thumb I don’t much like slime, and this guy is the slimiest. He offered us one bad deal after another to tell us where our friends were. He wanted us to smuggle stuff for him, an if that wasn’t a good option there was always getting a lass we helped earlier this year to marry him or to give him my hammer. At that, I pretty much decided the most appropriate response to this jag off was violence. The problem was my party mates decided that wasn’t the most sensible option. They wanted to try bargaining with this git. An try they did. All sorts of nonsense was thrown around until they decided we could just convince Lillavida to smuggle some bauble and then break it when we had Thamior back. Aye, that’s right. Their plan was to convince our scary boss to help some slimy scum smuggle something, and then to tarnish her honour by smashing it later. Stupid tits. That was honestly the worst plan I could have conceived. I said as much too, but instead of bargaining in another way, this was the option they chose. So, with that in the back of my mind, I positioned myself in the meeting room to make as much of a ruckus as I could. This guy’s guards seemed pretty capable but we could have taken them.
Except I was on my own when I broke Felix’s piano. The only one that stood by me was Jarvin. Thankfully he aint as stubborn as me, and was able to drag us out of the mansions 3rd storey window. Incidentally I promptly fell on me arse which seems like appropriate karma to me. Felix’s guards didn’t pursue us beyond that. Not at all. Actually they are some of the most professional guys I’ve seen in a long time. I’m almost certain they would have just tossed us outside of his manse and let us live if Jarvin hadn’t shoved us out a window, so that’s always pretty cool. Still, we had a simple problem then, and I had a more complicated one.
My party was convinced the best option was to get Lillavida to carry this bauble till we got Thamior an Bandabar back. They were going to follow that path no matter what. I convinced them otherwise. I encouraged us to sell poor Ceseli to the tit on the island. She’s a young up an comer is Ceseli. She wants power, and money. You can see it in her. I imagine it’s because her mother did some pretty terrible things and she wants no one to ever be in control of her again. Still, Felix, scum that he is, presents her with an option she didn’t have before. Marry him, take his money, and move up in the world. That’s the deal we took her, though Endolynn did try to spin it as something else entirely. That wouldn’t have sat right with any of us, so I cleared it up and made us all honest as beggars. We needed her help, and it was an opportunity for her. She accepted, and Felix told us where to find our companions. I refuse to dwell much on this in as much as I can. I told her to send for us if he mistreated her, and I intend to stick to that, but otherwise I’m going to stay out of this business. So, on to the rogues for the final showdown. That’s what we figured it would be anyway.
Boy were we wrong. There hideout was in a small farm outside Longspear, under a broken down windmill. Well, I had learned from my previous misadventure at the hands of the thieves’ guild’s roof. So, I was careful. As a result, Lysander got excited an impatient, and promptly got skewered by a bunch of thieves lying in wait. He just couldn’t wait for us to suss out the door. Figured there wasn’t nothing on the other side worth worrying about and that we’d all look the fool after he ran in. Irony is a pretty sadistic bitch sometimes. Still, Lysander is my friend. So I protected him as best I could and we moved on. We rested for a while in that room, after wed secured it, but eventually we had to move further into this horror pit. It turned out it really was a horror pit. I dunno what kind of thieves’ guild this place once was, but when we went deeper into it we found some seriously messed up shit. Poor Bandabar. There was an insane torturer in this dungeon, and he did some terrible things to Bandabar. The gist of this place though is simple. There were vampires, and they made a bunch of blood fiends, and were drinking people dry. We responded with extreme prejudice in our attempts to free Thamior, and to a certain degree succeeded. Heh, it ended in a fantastic brawl in the middle of a storm though, that was pretty awesome. Well it would have been if the freaking vampire chit hadn’t tried to drain me dry. He bit me twice patty. It was horrid. I’ve never felt such nastiness. The guy was enjoying the taste of me, like I was a juicy strawberry or somethin. We managed to fend off most of his minions and he himself, but then he bugged out as a big ball of floating mist. That’s right, big ball of mist. Freakiest kinda thing I’ve seen in a while. Worse yet, the mist headed right on in to Longspear. According to Jarvin if we don’t break its coffin he’ll get right back up again in a few days. So were off to find him an his home tomorrow. Also Patty, don’t get mad at me but I got a couple of tattoos to remind me of that nastiness with the bite, so I don’t let it happen again.
So, here I am, back in the Badger and Hare, with a very big pint of beer and this letter to you. I’m going to send it with a boy in the morning so hopefully when it finds you I will have killed that forsaken beast an we can all go to bed safe and sound. So, till I see you again my love, wish me luck.
Baldrin Weathering Smithson, the Stone Hammer.
p.s Thamior was fine. Asleep even. Absolutely unharmed though.
The Lost Seekers
Letter to Patty #1
biting is such a pansy way to kill people, they should tear at the throat like a dog, far more appropriate.
Uhh, hi lass.