Oh bloody ‘ell. What is wrong with some people? No joke, on our way to Longspear from Lillavida’s inn, some bunch of right twats tried to rob us. I kid you not Ade, there I am with a 7 foot tall hammer, with a head as big as a very healthy toddler, and some right bunch o’ gits thinks they’re gonna be able to rob us. Bloody morons. Hell, they was so stupid their boss had me walk up to him. For real, he had me walk up to his face and then had the nerve to try an stab me, and THEN he looked all flabbergasted when I proceeded to render his arm into a messy pulpy piece of mincemeat. You’d think ‘e was roight bloind, you would. Well, other than that we made it to Longspear right as rain. An’ I found a fantastic new haunt here too, called the Badger an’ Hare. Just ‘round the corner from the Smiths’ and run by this raucous bloke called Liam. He’s a right laugh is Liam, bit balmy though.
Oh an’ Ade, never hang out with the nobility of Longspear. Seriously, they are as loony as a bunch of cut snakes with about as much reason as my sister after one of her ruddy experiments blows up in ‘er face. Just don’t do it. We of course have been looking for work here in Longspear; Looking for a bit o’ extra gold to pad out the old jingle sack on our belts as it were. So we went to the law, and we ask all nice how we can help, for the gold and the right to wear armour (because bugger that ‘ole “get stabbed because of local custom” lark) and the buggers send us on a babysitting run for one of the creepiest people you will ever meet. No joke, this ol’ bat by the name of Auraluna Dromdal looks as old as bedrock, and I swear she’s ‘ad her face steamed and then rolled flat by a baker’s rolling pin.
An’ to add insult to injury, some bunch of jumped up tits ‘as been stealing all the work in Longspear. Some wankers calling themselves The Golden Swans or some such trollop. Really, here we are asking Isben for some extra work, an the best ee’s got for us is lookin up a tree for some rich nutter’s cat. Bloomin’ ‘ell! So I tell ’im, I say “you’ve got to give us sometin’ better”. An now were workin at ‘alf the rate to find some other rich fobs husband, just to try an do it afore those golden twits. That’s the best ‘ee’s got, a lost kitteh and a freakin adulterer. Its just so friggin barmy here Ade. I mean, I loved Longspear last I was ‘ere, but I never met any of these rich loonies. They’re right nutters. Take this Auraluna chit. She’s like some kinda spooky psycho killer, and I swear she has people meat in ‘er basement (don’t ask how I had to find that out. Suffice to say I’ll be rinsing my mouth out for weeks, an i’ll be eating veggies for a little while). Point is, the creepy old bat is just bad news, an I can just sense something bad going down this evening. Eugh, rich people Ade, they’re all Bloody bonkers.
Anyway, i’ll leave it ere for the time being, got a bunch of rich tits to guard for the even’n eugh.